The Day the World Ended
by starwarsfreak95
Summary: Remus and Sirius have been together for four years. They are completely in love and they have big plans to stay together forever. What happens when Sirius no longer feels the same attraction for Remus that he used to? Wolfstar. Rated T for mild swearing


**A/N- This wasn't really intended to end up as a fanfic, but it sort of just happened that way and it was sort of therapeutic. I know it's really OOC and that not everyone is a fan of Wolfstar, but I felt that this ship fit the story. I somehow can't see any other ships being like this, if for no other reason than because this couple seems like they would love each other to distraction but be so emotionally messed up. Sorry if Remus seems a bit feminine as well. Thanks for reading, hope you like it!**

Sirius had been acting weird. Remus knew that he occasionally had depressive spells and moods, but this didn't feel right. They'd spoken about it recently, and it seemed like a communication problem. Remus had been trying to fix it over the past week, but it seems like it hadn't done any good.

"Want to watch a film?" Remus asked.

"Not really," Sirius replied, a bit sadly, "I'm not really a movie person, remember?"

"True," Remus replied, "That's probably why you're so easy to distract during them," he teased.

"Yeah," Sirius said, not taking the bait.

"Should I stop teasing you?" Remus asked after a few moments, "You've seemed pretty shut down about it recently."

"It's fine," Sirius replied, "I just don't know how to reply to it or what to do with it anymore."

"Oh," Remus said after a moment, "Okay, I won't bother you then anymore."

"No Remus," Sirius replied, "Don't change just because of that. Don't change to make me happy."

"No, it's fine Sirius," Remus replied sadly, "I don't wanna cause you any more problems, but all I seem to do is cause you problems these days."

"No, you haven't," Sirius replied in a frustrated tone, "This is why I haven't wanted to have this conversation. I knew you'd blame yourself."

"You know Sirius," Remus said, "Please correct me if I'm wrong, but you seem like you really don't wanna be around me but you're forcing yourself to anyway. And you hate yourself for having to force it."

"I.." Sirius looked helplessly at Remus, "Yeah, pretty much… I love you so much and I don't know what to do… I hate not wanting to really be around you..."

In that moment, Remus's whole world broke. His heart shattered. He simply stared at Sirius as tears welled up in his eyes and began falling down his face. Sirius was the only person who looked at him, knew everything about him, and loved him anyway. Who wanted him despite everything. And now, the only person in the world who could validate him, the only person who thought he was good enough as he was, didn't think he was good enough anymore. What little self confidence Remus had gained in his four years with Sirius was wiped out.

"I've lost you, haven't I," Remus stated. It wasn't a question, it was a knowledge of what was to come. It was only a matter of time.

"No, damnit," Sirius said, "We've been through too much for it to end this way. We can get through this. We're great together, we've just hit a rut."

A rut. That's what he thought this was. Just a rut. Just something to get through. Because of course it would be nothing for Remus to win Sirius's heart again, somehow. He hadn't been trying the first time, so he didn't know what about him Sirius was no longer attracted to. What about him was good and what about him was bad. What he could change.

"Okay," Remus said, tears still dripping, "Please excuse me for a moment." Sirius reached out for Remus, but he ran. He ran until he got to one of the guest bedrooms in Grimmauld Place, then collapsed on the bed sobbing. Ugly, tearing sobs that hurt as they came from his throat. His very soul was broken.

Sirius heard Remus's sobs. Tears formed in his eyes as well, but didn't fall. He deserved this. He deserved to hear Remus's heartbreak and pain because it was his fault. He deserved the blame. How could he no longer want Remus? He loved Remus with his entire heart, mind, and soul. Still did. But where had the attraction gone? Why did he no longer want to spend time with Remus? Or listen to him prattle on about one of his many books? He absolutely hated himself for what he'd done to Remus. But he couldn't lie anymore, he loved Remus far too much. What were they going to do?

Remus looked at his hand. He hadn't even noticed that as he sobbed, he'd stabbed overgrown nails into his left hand, leaving cuts and bruises. Part of him was satisfied. He needed this pain to distract from the crippling ache in his chest. But part of him felt terrible. He'd promised Sirius months ago that he'd stop hurting himself. He was so conflicted and hurt and had no idea what to do. He needed someone to be there for him, but the only person who could be there was Sirius. And Sirius was not only the cause, but wouldn't want to be there for him.

The terror-filled full moons that came every month were no match for the terror he felt now facing the loss of Sirius. Sirius was the best part of his life. Take that away and what was he? No one to love him, no one to make him feel worthwhile.

Because he wasn't worthwhile. There was nothing about him that was good or lovable or desirable. Sirius was the only one who could make him believe that he was worthwhile. Now not even Sirius thought he was worthwhile. Now what was he?

Sirius concealed the pain he felt when Remus finally walked back out into the living room after a couple of hours. He concealed the stab of hurt he felt at Remus's tear ravaged face when he walked into the living room.

"Sirius, I'm going to leave for a couple of days," Remus said in a dead voice, "I need to get myself back together and I need to be alone for a bit."

Sirius concealed the pain he felt at that suggestion, and the stab of self hatred he felt at the relief he felt at the pronouncement.

"That's fine," Sirius replied, "Don't worry about it. Take all of the time you need."

"Okay," Remus said, trying to keep the tears down, "I.. I love you, Sirius."

"I love you too, Remus," Sirius replied.

Remus then walked out slowly, a backpack on his back.

Two days later, Sirius was going insane. He missed Remus so much it hurt. He knew that the first thing he wanted to do when the man walked back in the door was hug him. Hug him and hold him and make him feel loved. Sirius knew what he'd done to Remus. He hated himself for it and Remus's absence had reminded him of everything that had made him fall in love with the man.

Suddenly, he heard a key in the lock. His head snapped up. Hope entered his eyes as Remus walked in. Remus looked slightly different. He held his head up a bit more. His eyes didn't look so dead. He looked like he'd thrived on his time alone.

"Remus?" he said quietly, putting every question he'd wanted to ask over the past couple of days into his eyes and his voice.

Instead of answering, Remus walked over to Sirius and put his hand on Sirius's face and smiled at him.

"Missed you, love," he said.

"Missed you too," Sirius replied with relief, then grabbed Remus in his arms and held him with every bit of strength he could muster.


End file.
